I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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