i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
