I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
