took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
