we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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