I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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