two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
