I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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