how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
