I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
