I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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