I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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