I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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