If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
