I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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