I think my vagina is haunted
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
