She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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