I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
