glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
