i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
