Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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