if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
