So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
