seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
