Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
