i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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