He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
