dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
