Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
