threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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