There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
