Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
