i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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