I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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