I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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