I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
