omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
