I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
