Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
