i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
