Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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