man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
