Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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