Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
