somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
