Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
