Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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