Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
