when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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