Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
