i don't like sucking hair
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
