Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
