mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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