Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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