I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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