I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
